17 is definitely not too old. But it does tell me time is catchingup. Where it come to certain matters, i feel a definite need to change myself. Change is good. Somehow, i wasnt expecting anyone's phone call or anyone's wishes although i was happy to receive them. Rather, i was ccontemplating the irony of being someone i thought i'd never be. I guess there would be only one way to find out. I realised then, that however high my ambitions were, or no mattter how good i was doing something, im still Joe. Ordinary, not even unique, not even strange. Just another being that acts as such a lifeles soul . Few months back, i recall myself wrinting no this blog that one should learn to keep his mouth shut. As a person, im really indecisive and it bothers me allot. But like i said, old habits die hard. Today was a farely great day. We participated in a street socccer tournament and we won the whole damn thing. I felt i played to my best and already performed to wat would have been expected of me. I do not know what my results or late february have installed for me. Whatever it takes, i'll work my way through to what i wanna be. I guess you could say so far, 2005 has been a bash.Let's hope all settles out fine on the " major " day. Ciao

Many a time we speak of our ambitions. But it turns out to me that no matter what, and no matter said to who people will take an effort to laugh at you, to mock you. I must admit, Music is me, and im loving it right now. People, along with my family doubt my ability and my aspiration to be a peformer. They find humor in my pieces, my thoughts, my rythm. if what is said is true, that with "xin", anything can be done, that would spur me on to find courgae in my paths and spur me on to creat music with everything i have. ON the 2nd of january, It made merealise where i have to go , and what i have to do. Wherever i go, whatever i become, Music is always the very first priority and love of my life. Now even if it is said that i can turn back time, that i have that choice, i wouldn change qnything. Because my actions in e past have thought me to cherish what i have and the colour in muic. I thank every bit of everything tht has happened.
For the first time in my life, I gave up on my dad. My relationship with him is growing weaker. And at this point, im very angry with him. i wont go in to detail, but anger and impatience i not the way to deal with peoplle at all. Tonight, it seemed like i had left the arms that held on to me so tightly. He said that i was on my own as of tonight. Somehow, i gladly obliged although ii was sad and once again disappointed with my father and his words. Andi thought, " If i were to die, it would be his fault. If i were to die, He would realise his folly. And i were to die, He would realise why he always lost what he had eventually." For that split five minutes. I contemplated death. NOt life, but death.
Contemplate death because it is not as scary as the many other things u will face in life. Im not afraid and i dun see a reason to. At every juncture i questi0on thepresence of God. I want to believe but somebody, how me a reason to.
Tonight paints a dark day for myself and in 2005. I lost my mother, im losing my dad. I have lost ones i love alot and i have kept those i cherish. To those i cherish, I only hope tey are happy. It is obvious that Erica is happy with life now and i wish u here, happiness again. People, dun ob. Think about things and let it go. KNnow what went wrong and learn ur mistakes so as not to repeat em. DO not. DO NOT SOB. Because no matter what happens, the sun is still gonna rise and set, the earth, still to rotate. Time wont wait for you. Because when ur down and out, u realise one thing. MOst of the time, you're alone. Annd u have to stand up yourself cos noones fucking gonna help u. Thats Life.
I Contemplate Death because it teaches lessons and it does not care me as much as alot of other things. Now, you try. Ciao