And then we embraced and i felt her once again. It felt the same but it wasn. I saw my aunt as she was and pictured her as my mother. I missed her so very much. Because i began to wonder what she'd say to me whenever i felt horrible. She seemed to be my only source of light. Yesterday, when it struck me that it was over with me losing 9 2 , i felt a thumping drive in my heart. I didn totally deserve to lose because i might have played better. But the fact remained i couldn play for whatever reason and that i lost. The score might not have suggested how intense the game was but anyhow i felt horrrible. The feeling of losing was different from any other type of loss.

As i hugged my aunt, i felt her hair like i'd feel my mother's, and i hugged her rooted to the ground, it really occured to me how much i missed her. I turned to my aunt when i got home because somehow i felt so alone by my loss, ridiculous as it seemed, i din lose to my opponent, i lost to myself. She saw me and teared with me, describing that she saw pain in my forlorn eyes. We cried together that night as i came to realise how much i had missed my mother all to the fact of me losing a game that seemed so ever important.

This song seems to describe how i feel, its tempo and its emotion, seems to bring out whatever pain im trying to convey.

When i stood there on court, i could not describe the feeling. I lost myself, i was blank for the next few hours and then i was lookinf for a source of consolation and i could only think of my mother who had gone. I was lost in the game but also in myself. I could not seem to remember that my mother was not present anymore. I didn know what i was thinking buti felt so very dejected. I felt lousy for ignoring my friends who had come to watch me but i couldn help how i felt.

My aunt said i showed tears of not a boy but of a man because she seemed to see my mother in me. Losing the game somehow combined so many feelings together into one and it was hard to contain. I appreciate the concern around me . i will be away out of town for the next few days, will be in kl to get things off my mind hopefully. Will be back with mroe entries soon. Take care all