Pulling out?

So here i stand before you writing one nervous entry about how im feeling. About a year and a half back, i held the racket for the first time, stepped on the courts and started playing like an amateur. Almost 3 to 4 times a week, 3 rackets, hundreds of balls, countless perspiration and effort, my open is here. My open is tomorrow. Tennis was the one thing that did not only test myself to overcome tactic with technique but to also overcome myself and not be impatient. Now, i actually face the prospect of going into courts tomorrow at 11am and exiting as either a loser or winner. Either way, i hope to take something from it.

Days back, i reopend one blister only to burst one and let another one form. I just came back from downstairs as itried to serve. I couldn last ten minutes. A huge blow that dealt, i do not know how else to vent my frustration but here on this blog. I have yet to make a decision to pull out. But i know at 11am to 12pm tomorrow morning, it will be the most important juncture of my tennis experience thus far. My "compatriot" Wenhao, eased through the first round with a clear thrashing over his opponent, i had gone through the first round throuhg a walk over and face an unknown wild card in my next game tomorrow.

I have never wanted to talk about myself on my blog but here i am expressing the fears i have in my heart and the tension thats all around me. Im not afraid of losing the game, but im afraid of losing myself, im afraid of giving up and letting the ball fly past me. point by point. I am no professional, nor am i an ace player, but i think it takes alot of effort to go running round courts just to earn that one point. Its not a battle of whose stronger , but a game of will and brain. And for the first time in my life, im actually afraid of going into competition.

I know my strokes will not be a 100% tomorrow but i do know my legs will run as long as i can carry them. I try to stifle my fear but the expression gives way. If its said that praying really helps, then if ur really up there, i wish i had a new pair of hands.

Yes people, this whole entry is of tomorrow and of me. My hands wont allow me to play and its a great blow that i must contemplate pulling out of the open. Ever felt something such a pity? That you knew something good might coming but things just dont go as planned somehow? In my shoes, what would your decision be. I have no answer. I cant last ten minutes how am i to last nine sets. Anyhow, wish me luck.

Enjoy.