" what did you eat? "

" who cooked? "

" are you hungry "

But then she paused for a while, looked at me and said. 

" I bought 5721 last week cause your mother was born on the 21st, so this week i changed to 5751 because your mother was born in 1951. But why did 5721 come out this week. Darling why."

Why she asks. 

After sharing so many similar encounters with 4 numbers, she asks, why.

Then it hit me. We ask why. We ask questions because at every point in time we feel the need to ask. Why.

Just two days ago I was with someone that was smiling out and out. It was supposed to be a happy day. But it ended in tears when the crowd was less, when the night had begun to consume all that happiness that was pushing her on the whole day. She had fallen out of love and in the midst of it all she asked me, "Why me." 

She said, "So painful."

We all have our loves in life. As Wikipedia has kindly noted out to me. It would seem that perhaps love, is an underrated term to most. Or rather, a term that's used far less than its original nature of versatility. Romance. That to most, love is romance. When in fact love could be a want to gain fame,  a want to be rich, or a love for an object rather a human being. It could be romance, yet it could be love of a more greater nature. Family. But let us not go too far out now. 

Perhaps, it is likely to you that through the nature of this blog, I will go to and stop at romance. You are right even though I started out the entry with my auntie's questions as to why her wants to get a little richer were not satisfied. She had not set out to earn a million, or spend it on clothes. She had wanted that bit of money, to give to those she loved because she is if i may, the most wonderful woman any son could have.  

But why she asks. Why we ask. Our inquisitive nature never seems to stop it seems. One day I had been talking to a friend who asked me if i had a girlfriend of which i replied, "No." I asked him. What about you. His response?

"for what."

I'd like to add. He isn't a bad looking guy. He isn't poor at all and in nowhere near the areas of stupid. He's a smart lad just finding his own way in life. His response was tantamount to a why. But it led me to ask myself the exact same question. For what. And if we need love. Why.

You might think that every word, every term that you cannot understand, can be explained to you with the use of the net, the dictionary or a very smart man. Perhaps for most things in life, that is true. But there is one thing a dictionary will fail to explain not because of its incapabilities but because of the magnanimity of the word. I have come to realize that perhaps love is the only word that belongs to everyone. Like how everyone has hair but styles it differently. It's the same with love. I think after some time or in the past 2 hours or so that i have struggled to finish this post, i have somehow within me found a compromise. That perhaps love shouldn't be one way or the other. That perhaps to each his own, is more than akin to love itself.

But here is my deepest contradiction. 

To me, love is not about the best girlfriend/boyfriend you can be. It's not necessarily how nice you make yourself look for your other half or giving and taking. It's about finding someone that you can talk to. someone that you can believe in because she'd believe in you or at the very least, know what you're believing in and why. That person should be someone that clicks with you without a catalyst or better yet with a catalyst makes the most wonderful of companions. That to me, is love. Might she be my best friend you ask. Might she be just someone that i can talk to and not be with you ask. 

You just might be right but one day when that question is asked to me. Why are you with her. I want my answer to be.

" She's my best friend. She's my girlfriend. But most of all, she's someone i can talk to about anything, anytime. She understands me and i see her not as my friend, my girlfriend or my wife when i think about her. Even though she may be one of those things or all. I think of her and all i see, is beauty."

I've come to a point where i can respect the differing views on love in the space of 4 hours. Its amazing because the past few weeks have been spent pondering about why people view it as this way. I sought to wonder if maybe i was the one looking at things wrongly. For someone that never took longer than 2 hours to write up a post, take it from me. I have carefully considered every word. An epiphany in 4 hours owing to staring into spaces and words is a mighty nirvana. 

"I thought she was cute. The feeling is just there."

"I can learn to love you more, bit by bit, day by day."

"I dont know. It just happened."

"He was nice. He never gave up."

These are reasons I probably would have never accepted 4 hours ago. For some reason i had chosen to believe that this was all too shallow. But maybe i have learnt to accept that this is, a way of love. Yet my deepest contradiction is yet to be accounted for. I would love to have someone to talk to, anytime about anything. I would love to have someone i see as beautiful to talk to. Yes i would need it.  "for what" my friend would ask. 

The same thing I would ask to the person that found someone cute or just loved the idea of holding his/her hand, embracing him/her, or was just wooing this person for the sake of a feeling unable to be explained for. "for what." Is it necessary? 

I guess my answers revolve around an area of gray. I do not know. I guess there's no place or time for love. A few hours ago I wondered if its necessary. Why do people go running for love at 16 or 60? Is it just a trend to have one, a feel to have one, or a desperate need? Is it spontaneous, or somewhat planned? nice when he/shes with you, or nice when you saw him/her? My answer is that because each of us have such a different attitude towards love, our reasons for wanting them are indefinitely different. And because i say to each his own, it will forever be a right. Something we must not question. We should not question. Things happen for a reason. But take this with you. As a friend had too once told me.

"It's someone you can live with. Not someone you can live without, because if it's someone you cannot live without, then you have no life. Then you have not lived."

Because love is not your life. Because love forms part of your life. Because love makes your life better. because it shouldn't harm you. He/she has to be someone you can live with, not someone you cannot live without. 

Why you ask. Why we need love. 

I say. Why not. 

12/18/2008 04:19:00 AM