Long time people. Ever had something you altered to your comfort? when you though that soon everything would be as smoothsailing? What if someone came along and changed it for you and within the blink of an eye, you had to adapt? Its fucked up. To be frank, i dont really care who reads this, but tonight, is a night of emotions. Yesterday, was the official opening to Singapore Idol. My dear friends, it was also the official opening of one blind producer. I shant talk about it, but sometimes you dont belong to where you are at present so make full use people. Had rehearsal today for teachers' day. To be frank, i hated it, i dreaded it and i tot it totally sucked. I din like e extension but hey by e time i got there, i had to adapt already. New lesson learnt whch might prove a little contradicting. SPEAK YOUR MIND. Ever wihed you could get hugged? loved? Sorry not girls. Specifically, lets talk bout my mother. She passed away last year due to colon cancer. And ya, to this day, i refuse to accept e fact that shes gone. we waited and waited that morning 1 march 2003, she ccouldn talk with all e flem in her throat. By then, she was all too weak to cough or speak. She couldn even blink. She opened her eyes once and saw me and my brother and the rest of e family and her frens of course. But she din see my sis. She had to be settling the funeral preparations. Then, it was almost certain that my mother would die. Just a matter of when . I never understood that. Got all messed up and preoccupied with BOYS BRIGADE. I dun blame em but i just cant seem to know wats vital. But my mothers' gone. So how the fuck does it matter? My sister came back at bout noon, as she reached mother's deathbed, she opened her eyes. She held on to her childrens(me bro and sis) hands, holdin on tightly which wat seemed to be her final leash of strength and told us that she loved us in her own very special way. Then she let go, and i said goodbye. With that, a tear dropped frm her eye as she left us in this world. IN a way, it seemed to me as if she couldn leave us, she was worried. But the fact remains that she is gone. You have replays of her in ur mind as you feel overwhelme with guilt. For one, i was an unfilial son. I remember the time i cried when she was "burnt". The only time i cried. Becuase then, you realised she wasn coming back. So people, some things, they dont come back once you lose them, no hopes no wishes. Cause once you lose something, its ur loss and so dun expect it to return... Speak up for wat u want to say and who you want to say it to. Thats tonite's way of putting it in my entry. Todays lesson. SPEAK UP . Or it'll be way too late

Been lazy people. Hows' it been? Just came back this morning from Godfrey's birthday celebration. Stayed over at his place. It was more of a gathering between friends that used to speak much but never did now. Well, its true. Be it a male or female, Its hard to confess, and its even harder to take that suspicions in or the critisicms in. Trust me, you keep covering up and when you finally have the tea balls to confess, its all too late. Whoever it is, whatever it is, just listen, no beliefs. Friday was the soccer game of my new changed style in my "expertise". I swithced to a midfield role wherei brought the ball u more often than receiving it. I was happy, and i received zero upfront insults. It all came down to penalties hwere we would thank dear kenneth for missing. In any cause, we were evident winners. prison starts tomorrow again along with the problems . Yes, i guess im love lost again. As i was telling Koh bin the other day, there many times that the problems are evident and worrying, yet when u choose not to remember, you live your life of freedom, no girls just books. Maybe sports, but no girls. Well, i did the opposite. It took me quite some time before i realised she was still lingering on my mind , so now i know and it thus hurts even more. So people, new lesson, move on. DO not remember . Its 0759 according to my time. Wil be back at 1100 with a another entry. Ciao people