The O levels are over. At the very least, i should be excited and happy. Today, i felt nothing. As i finished the paper and left the school i realised that nothing was actually over. My friends and i, weren't really all that excited as well. Perhaps it was because we knew we weren't really free yet, that we weren't set for something else until the results came. It left me to realise how time flies.
It left me to realise things i shouldn have done and made me realise that i couldn turn back time. It most importantly made me realise who i was and how i cant change all that i did. I realised the importance of time, all in that one instant. The things that happened, though thought me to treasure other things. The lies i made about myself struck with some illness taught me to treasure friendship. The loss of my mother taught me to treasure who i loved. It was time, that made me realise.
As mentioned before, a person that never admits to his faults, his mistakes, is fated to repeat it until he does. Its e same for everyone else..Time will test you again and again. Our relationship with time is like fine sand that slips through our fingers. Our relationship with time is ever so obscure and vague.We never know how to treasure time and the sad truth, to add on, is that time waits for nobody.No matter what we do, we can never grab hold of eternity. We may not own time, but im almost certain that we can control it. The past week was a great one for me. I spent the week sleeping a lil, sleeping alot and on certain days not sleep at all. It was a truly great feeling to finish things way ahead of time. Any Saturday would usually mean a late sleep in till the late noon, with a hot beverage in my hands and just spending the day idling in front of the computer.The type of Saturday that would seem all so comfortable and make you just wanna sleep again and again, the type that seem to blindside you on an idle tuesday at 4pm.
Last saturday, i got up at 8am in the morning went for a jog foollowed by a hearty breakfast and then onto studying. I was refreshed and by 6 pm, i was done with what had to be done. That feeling was something i never felt before. For a guy like me to wake up at fucking 8am in the morning is something i'd never do. But at least i realised how much time i actually saved.
Also that week, my father came down to see me. He came to talk to me about my future about how it would be like and how i would have to prepare myself for it. Realistic as it was, it was also beginning to instill fear in me. To put it bluntly, im fucking scared. I remembered as a rebellious teenager how much i demanded freedom and to live out on my own, to jus quickly grow up. Yet now, just about e year after i harboured such thoughts, im scared. For the first time in life, im afraid to grow up, afraid to look on and see whats coming. Im afraid to know what is it im going to have to do. Im afraid of reponsibilities. I must say that in all fairness, boys that grow to man reallly have a hard time because thats where responsibilities come in. Take my father for example, he has five children, my brother, myself , and three others that aernt blood related. Well , we have the same father. Anyway, my dad is nearing his sixties. Hes an old man wth illness and a tired old man i can see. For all these years, including those when my mother was around, he has been supporting me and my brother and the household expenses. He has also been paying for my other siblings. Now he could walk off and say, forget it you people are grown ups go earn your own money and support yourself. But my father is one remarkable and responsible man. If he had done all that, he would be a rich millionaire by now. But he din . He knew his responsibilities and even though it was tiring, he knew it was something he had to do.
I looked at myself and thought, am i responsible enough? What happens if i one day have to fend for the whole family? This wasn a question of marriage or love anymore. It was a questiono f responsibility and right now, thats something im afraid of. I realise that you're never really free because at every stage in life, you are tied down by certain responsibilities and like it or not, ur gonna have to carry them out . Thats life, thats growing up. Thats how it is being an adult and eventually, how it is when you have a family to fend for. It really asks you a very realistic question in any way possible. I mean are we really ready to finaly grow up and work for ourselves, to slog our hearts out just to make sure we have enough to get by for our future?
Given a choice, i would very much prefer to return as a kid. NO worries, no luv problems, no money problems. Just pure innocence and fun where everything is covered for ya. Now thats freedom. Thats paradise. Enjoy while you can people, its gonna be a rough rough ride. Ciao

Hello helo people. Its the 17th and i smell freedom. Apologise for the long break from you people, really been busy mugging. Like for the first time in my life, im really studying. anyway, thats over now. on to whats coming next. Have a game on the 24th. Was unlucky yenough to to slightly fraccture my ankle at a street soccer court game about a week ago. Its fucking swollen. Cant even run with ease now, much less shoot a ball. Lets hope i get back with the team in time. About 6 days to a final leash, and then freedom. As always, zero recrudescence disallows mistakes. But hey if u did make a mistake, u gotta admit it .someone who does not admit his mistakes, is fated to repeat it until he does. Ive learnt that, be a lil responsible for yourself ya people. Ciao