A Peek into the Crossroads of Life and Death

The hallways are lonely, and the lights dim. The food bland, and the air dry. Sunken faces, and tears of loneliness. Fates unknown, and yet fates for some,known, already. These are the common features of a place that is often slightly lighted up by the kind nurses the sleek infrastructure and the conscientious doctors.

I stepped into one a few days back. Ward 64, patient 30, bed of my maternal grandmother, Yeo Char. Born in 1924, shes a fine example of a living person thats both strong and yet weak. She had been required to an MRI scan which required a straight posture they had arched her straight and thathurt her really bad. She was turned in that machine over and over again. For half an hour. She came out crying non stop, with wails, " Wa jin gan kor, wa jin gan kor, ho wa si la wa jin gan kor"

The four walls of a hospital are serenaded by the word solitude. Each bed has its troubles, worries, and urge to let go and meet their maker. Some, just cant bear to leave. Irregardless, the scary thing of being in that ward is too see ur neighbor gone the next morning one by one. The tests, the needles and the pain withno clue as to whether you have that chance of witnessing dawn and dusk. The hospital is one of the scariest places ive been since that day.i had never seen my grandma cry before. I guess it told a story of everybody's experience. Regardless of race language or religion, they were all here for the same reasons, to come and get out or to come and go.

IN the ward, you have 6 simple beds with curtains and a rollin table for lunch. A public sink and the accompaniment of a stiff bed and two pillows. Visiting hours are from 3 to 8 and you wear light green clothes given to you. In ward 64, there were malays indian and chinese and all of them with already faces that told you how complicated and tiring they were and some that had the freckles and the look of pain tell the story for you. But wat hurt me most was not the story behind their arrival, but the presence of noone by their beds. It is general solitude that keeps one at bay. Orson Welles said, “We're born alone, we live alone, we die alone. Only through our love and friendship can we create the illusion for the moment that we're not alone." But without that, solitude is a glorying misery that we bask in with no choice.

As i walked down the hallways i saw different lives of different people with their fates both known and unknown but what was scary wasnt that. What i figured was scary was when it came to night. It is at night, when you are alone on your bed with nooone to talk or see, that your thoughts run wild. It is not easy to deal with loneliness much less the prospect of youre ending future. The pain of thinking through all this relates to every layering experience that my mother and uncle had when they had cancer. They went through the exact pain, the exact rooms and the exact food. One things for sure,m they had no idea wha was coming up for them, they just knew there were inthe hospital and they were near paradise and near realism.

Life does not present itself on the food platter. Life comes as it is and we play along. Life, is the art of drawing without an eraser as John W. Gardner once said. We follow the rules sometimes, but sometimes we are meant to break them so we get even better. Life is a beginning but whose to say death is a revelation. It is the final awakening. For the moment we make our first breath, it is the beginning of death. The hospital is an entrance to that byway. The Crossroads of Life and Death.

Night

AVIATION

Departure is a friend to independence a friend to bravery yet a foe to bond. As such a bird that will leave its nest in due time, departure also depicts that. Departure tells the story of when the plane takes off. It tells us so much of something similar to what we know as, aviation.

Emotions run wild in the airports, both happy and sad but whatever the reason, it is departure that sits in the cockpit of our emotions. Only then do we realise, family.Like seasons of the world, family comes in different weathers, moods and atmospheres at different times.But regardless of which, the world continues to evolve and family is still family, only closer.

When the young are independent, they go. And when the older must leave, they shall leave but which hurts more? Migration of departure is a dark yet bright aviation. Into a foreign country, we are fearful and for those whose close ones "aviate", we are similarly fearful. But that degree of fear is not tantamount in either of the situations. Departure allows room for hate, yet also for love. Ironically, they are bound together to make us understand. Not understand why they leave but why we have to move on. Aviation of departure teaches us that. Without a doubt.

The mood sets in, always when she is about to check in, or when it dawns on you that you have no clue as to when you'll see his smile again or whether he'll remember you the next time you meet. But ultimately, the mood executes on its own, when the final wave is shown. They say waves tell a story, that a side to side wave resembles a no and that departure means this is not goodbye. Some people say bye tweking and bending their fingers up and down, that resembles a closure and then an opening and that departure means i'll close on you but we'll see each other soon but for now i will start a new phase in life. its degree of truth is highly questionable but nevertheless, when the plane aviates, that is a wave that needs no explanation. But till then, how do you decide when its for the best?

Family departures are the worst to handle. An aviation is analogous to that.

A plane going somewhere aviates at take off, transits here and stops there, but the plane has an airline and an eventual return to the airport of when it started.

Migration of departure leaves for another country, but its identity remains. No matter where it goes, it has a sense of belonging somewhere.

And eventually, they both will come home.

Now that is the aviation, the test of flight that depicts departure.

Ciao

U turn? I dont think so

There are many things in life. Many many things that we miss and that we come across. Sometimes, we fail to realise what just passed and only notice what is so obsolete and useless. Although to each his own, it is so important to do something about it so you wont feel so shocked about how life gets to you. I guess the most cruel thing about life, is, well, is that you cant go back.

No matter what people tell you or how better things get, you can never go back. Its not tantamount to making things better or moving on to have a better life, its bare, bold fact that you cant go back to how things were and keep what you want that has already left. Its just like seeing your own phone drop from your hands. You know its gonna drop, you know its gonna hurt but you cant do a damn thing about it , neither can you revert the situation. Why do you think expressions like, Oh fuck or oh shit come about? its just because you know that something you did cant get you what you want.

I guess im facing a time where i wished i could take the hands of time and make them my own at my pace. The idea of having family around you is an optimum situation in all cases. Heck, even if ur a single man or woman who has taken the vow of celibacy, your family is something thats bound to acknowledge you and bound to be there.

Anyway, going back is something that we all want. I cant imagine how happy things would be if we were keepers of our own time. Time is like a prerequisite in life, just like being born, going to school, working, marriage, and then dying. From the day we open our eyes to this world till the day we close them , these are all prerequisites that we do not own or control, but things that we are bound by, that, without, would mean zero survival.

If you move in a car at a desired speed miss your point and decide to take a u turn, then thats going back.

If you move in a car at a desired speed, miss your point and take another way out to reach your destination, thats moving on to make things better, leaving the past behind. And like i said, that is not tantamount to going back in life. Because you cant.

So whats my point? its not a bad thing to be able to move on and have a better life, but its undeniable that if sometimes you can go back, thatwould be a whole lot better. Sometimes even if you go back, thething you want to keep will eventually go. But with that said, when you know whats leaving and get to go back, wouldn that allow more time? No u turns in life, only alternatives that teach you to cherish day after day which actually hurts us deep down , at times of our life.