Misfits

Wednesday, June 11, 2008

Re: What comes as late, is better than what comes as never?‏
From: Joyce Kok (joycekok@yahoo.com)
Sent: Tuesday, June 10, 2008 6:12:10 AM
To: Choy Seng Joe (inversed_09@hotmail.com)
Joe

Your email made me felt really sad. Seriously. I can never express how much you and Seng Hon means to me and many a times I've asked myself if it was a selfish act to go away from SG and leave you guys "hanging" there by yourselves. Maybe its a yes but then again, its just a matter of timing before you guys go your own ways in a couple of years time. I think its bad timing for you as you are still schooling but your sister here is just too old to delay the immi process. Since I came back from US in 1996, I have never stopped hoping I will get out of SG and be able to live in a place somewhat similar to Massachusetts. The fact that I am married and now have a family of my own affirms the fact that I need to build my own nest and I just cannot envision it in SG, having worked those long hours and paying bills after bills, not being able to see Darien during those days. Jeff have the same vision in some ways - he'd always wanted to head back to
Vancouver which he spent 6 years in his youth.

The only way to get over missing you guys is to think of the big picture. Just think of it as we spreading out and building bases around the world. You already have one in MY and HK, so next is VA for you guys. You know, I think when I have settled and when you have a chance to come to visit, you might really want to consider University of British Columbia.( http://www.ubc.ca/about/slideshows/index.html#) I am strongly convinced you should take your tertiary education outside SG to gain a bigger perspective of the world and get a chance to know diff cultures and so many other courses available in overseas uni which SG will never be able to provide. 

One day, you might even consider living where I am and the road is already half paved. I can sponsor you to Canada to live and work. Do not discount this possibility that you will want to get out of SG as really, you will never understand what you are missing until you have experienced living overseas - the availability of choices, the freedom of speech and thoughts, being able to be really independent, to really know the world as a melting pot of cultures, last but not least, the breathtaking scenaries. Dear brother, I long to be able to travel to see northern lights with you one day! (http://www.flickr.com/photos/rezmutt/432012266/) 

You are my baby brother and you always will be, you will never be able to understand how much I miss and love you everyday. Last night, I had a dream that I was about to return to SG alone but well, it did not got to that far since Darien barged into the room and disrupted it. Think I really miss you guys..

Thanks for your well wishes

Sis

----- Original Message ----
From: Choy Seng Joe 
To: joycekok@yahoo.com
Sent: Tuesday, June 10, 2008 6:54:43 AM
Subject: What comes as late, is better than what comes as never?

Dearest sister,

Perhaps there is no easy way to say this for in so many ways, you are not in my life, as much as i am not in yours. Your face, along with darien's and elliot's stand deeply rooted in my heart and not a day goes by where i do not think of you and how life might be for all of you. Yet the same thought of how life would be if you were here never fails to escape me. In many ways, i miss the times we would share. Us. Brother and sister but you just have to respect that eventually we go our own ways and hope that we have enough time for each other on some days. Life has gone on for you, as it has for me too. I miss you everyday but i try not to hope for something that could never happen, which us being together again. I wish you a very happy belated birthday sister. And im sorry this email comes so late. I did try to call on one occasion only to have it engaged. Retail hours are nuts and when i find time to relax, i eventually fall asleep.
I hope all is well and i hope the little bloke is fine too. Send my regards to Jeffrey and take good care of yourself. I love you. And i miss you. Once again, happy birthday sister. I wish you were here.

Your brother,
Joe.

6/11/2008 01:16:00 AM

Monday, June 02, 2008

Speak.

If you had never learnt to speak. Then probably, you had never begun to write. And if that is true, you have not lived a second of life to know what it means to feel...

It had been one and a half weeks. It started at 6 in the morning with countless ideas to fill the day. Breakfast, Early bird movie plans and the mix. But yet who didn't love sleep? Especially when it was so terribly inviting after the hearty breakfast that called themselves, beans, toast, eggs, sausages and. Mcgriddles. They met at 430 p.m. (Yes, they both slept) to have a day spent together. After all, it had been one and a half weeks.

He was late, a little later than she was and this was rare considering the track record but nothing had seemed to change. She had called to ask where he was in the voice that still made him feel happy no matter what the circumstance. He knew she would flip if he tried to be humorous or a tad too funny than he should be, but he did it anyway. A playful response like kids would do when the other couldn't catch him/her. She would respond by. The traditional hang up that would equate to see you later so i can pinch your fat arm and smack your fat ass.

She wouldn't know that he came by cab( oops ) because he couldn't decide which color pants to wear or how to style his hair when at the end, he wore the first pair of pants he picked, and well as for his hair, it was never any different. So then their eyes met when he turned to the corner coming down from the escalator and the conversations started. It had never been anything significant, or intellectual, it was just two people talking. Her hair was exactly what he missed it to be, let down with a clip or two, and her presence, exactly what took him away from himself moment to moment. So much so, that the boy could try to be cool and aloof, but still give in with the biggest smile in the world, like a fat boy would when he received the big cookie. That's what she did to him. Smile. It wasn't entirely the corny equation of love bringing happiness. It was just the innate existence of one being. Her being.

They had lunch that was barely reasonable by quality or price. They would still laugh about it and seek shopping as a solace but have nothing much to find. She'd have nothing much to buy despite the presence of cash, and he, well would be a little too fat to be trying on polo tees that he fancied. ( they were vintage = used = one piece ) They would have soup from one of those customary diners that didn't charge much for the yummy's they served. Conversations would go on from amusement parks, to the arts, to how fat he was and the things that mattered in their lives enough to bother them. After all, it had been one and a half weeks.

And how would a couple not enjoy a good movie even if it was ass numbing and sometimes cold. The silence, the felt between the two in those seats and knowing they were there at the cinema together, sometimes having their fingers fill the gap of the spaces between the other's fingers or the momentary cling on the arms when something really funny happened.

Then the lights came on. And the two got hungry again. It never bothered them how to get food, it was just a matter of where good food was. And well trust me, they had good food. The date was nothing out of the ordinary. Lunch that could have been better, shopping that could have been better, and a movie, that could never have been any better with its brilliance along with supper that even went home with the girl. Maybe in many ways, space had separated the two to a place that was less comfortable or maybe comfortable in its own purest and most innocent ironies. But the date, in many ways itself as well, brought the two to a place where they could be comfortable. With each other.

Maybe one day, the space would be bigger, and the two would go their separate ways and im sure eventually finding what we call happiness. Or maybe the space would become a gap and that gap would close eventually with them finding what we call happiness together. But at that point in time, at every point in time that they were together and that it was real on that day at that time, did it matter?

Because if you had never learnt to speak. Then probably, you had never begun to write. And if that is true, you have not lived a second of life to know what it means to feel.

I love you.

6/02/2008 11:38:00 PM

Re: What comes as late, is better than what comes as never?‏
From:	Joyce Kok (joycekok@yahoo.com)
Sent:	Tuesday, June 10, 2008 6:12:10 AM
To:	Choy Seng Joe (inversed_09@hotmail.com)